East meets West... on the sands of time

Wang Jie and Tian Jia outperformed their Chinese teammates, Xue Chen and Zhang Xi to represent China in the finals of women's beach volleyball on Thursday. They will face the American defending champions, Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor - who remain unbeaten for more than a year.

May-Treanor says they won't allow the mass of patriotic Chinese fans to disrupt their concentration... "We'll just focus on the match, we will not be disturbed by the audience."

There are several things that come to mind all at once as I ponder this situation. I will try to focus, despite the discovery that not only are the Chinese using ancient, mystical and occult powers to sweep up the gold, but they are using western methods of mind control to do so.

Here's the inside story. It appears that the clever Chinese have discovered how to adapt the most ancient of Daoist philosophies, that of the Vulcan mind-meld, to unify and motivate an entire nation of supportive fans to bond with and thus empower, all of their Chinese Olympic competitors to the level of super-heroes.

This didn't come easily, however. Certain long-held traditions were casually sacrificed in order to employ these proven western tactics as a complement to the existing hive-mind tactics of Daoist harmony. Informed sources reveal that Chinese girls were selected for their physical features including "having great smiles and thin legs." Then it appears that they were forced to get suntans and placed into gangs where traditional taiji movement and Tibetan chanting was merged with other western influences to create the ultimate weapon of mass distraction: the Chinese women's beach volleyball Cheerleaders!


I cannot wait to get back to Beijing... to work for their liberation. These girls naturally provide lots of cheeky support as the British might say. See the scandalous evidence provided in agent BSR-12's photo report "Beijing - Day 6 (8/17)," somehow smuggled past China's strict media censors.